. . . lost ?

darkness inside
of me grows
darker still
hatred rising
within as
i wish to kill
to maim to
hurt others as
they hurt me.

i do not
wish that
i was evil
i am simply
that which
i've always
been sitting
watching the
parade of
life pass
me by like
some meaningless
charade of

as art is
sunk and denied
my soul longs
to be free of
this curse inside
making more
out of this
than really
is and
can ever

why do i
hate as never
before felt
hatred both
burning fire
and frosty
ice as steel
heart never
again to be
broken as a
thousand pieces
put back never
again together
as one
forever. . . .

i feel as if
i were falling
endlessly into
the empty chasim
of the
coldest insanity
hate and fear
becoming ever
more substantial
deeper and more
poetic lines
streaming forever
as painful tears
of long-lost
love not hate
but now love
lost is gone
forever. . .

i want THEM
to not love
me so much
one can
love so much
to much that
it hurts
inside because
THEY kill
with stiffling
embraces like
cold stone
shoulders not
even tears
could soften

but perhaps
it is just
me wanting
to be free

w e l c o
m e t o t
h e n e x
t l e v e l

of hate?
probably not
love doesn't
hurt like
this love
hurts much
different than
this hate
warms and
kills without
meaning to
end the life
of a precious
dream . . .