exquisite pain

i die again inside
each time i recall
the moment of that
simple stolen kiss
i took in a singular
moment of unprepared weakness

i fell through a trap i made
a trap of such exquisite pain
a pain i could feel again & again
but i know so little
of how it is remembered
by the object of my torture

i want o pass it off
as yet another kiss
one equal, no less than
all the countless ones before

but then i remember those lips
silken & smooth
a delicate butterfly's touch
innocent, yet so very deadly

and now i am driven from sleep
afraid of blissful fantasies
where she rests forever in my arms
dreams that kill with such loving beauty

oh why did i have to kiss her?
i ask myself again & again
over & over inside my head
that wonderful memory still tumbles

what do i do?

i cannot dismiss these feelings
but i do not know what lies
down that beautifully paved road,
a trip of insane love
rollercoaster highs of happiness

it hurts when i cannot touch her
i want that sinfull kiss again,
but i cannot hold her that way
because i love her too much
and i will not rush this love

i do now only wait & dream
wanting an unattainable goal
but doing nothing makes
me want to scream. . . .

such exquisite pain